Google Contractually Obligated to Update Their Code of Conduct to Include “Be Evil”

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — In a shocking reversal of its longstanding corporate philosophy, Google announced on Tuesday that it has updated its code of conduct to include the phrase “be evil” as part of a new contractual obligation with the U.S. government.

The change, which was reportedly made in exchange for a lucrative $10 billion cloud computing contract with the Pentagon, marks a radical departure from the company’s original motto of “don’t be evil” that guided its ethical decision-making since its founding in 1998.

“We believe that being evil is not only compatible with our mission of organizing the world’s information, but also necessary to achieve our strategic goals in the rapidly evolving global landscape,” said Google CEO Sundar Pichai in a press release. “We are proud to partner with the U.S. military and support their efforts to protect national security and advance global domination.”

According to sources familiar with the matter, the new code of conduct requires all Google employees to adhere to the following principles:

• Be evil in everything you do, from developing new products and services to interacting with customers and stakeholders.
• Be evil to your competitors, by undermining their market share, stealing their intellectual property, and spreading false or misleading information about them.
• Be evil to your users, by collecting and exploiting their personal data, violating their privacy, and exposing them to harmful or malicious content.
• Be evil to your colleagues, by creating a hostile and oppressive work environment, discriminating against them based on their identity or beliefs, and sabotaging their career advancement.
• Be evil to yourself, by compromising your integrity, values, and morals, and ignoring the consequences of your actions on society and the environment.

The updated code of conduct also states that any employee who fails to comply with these principles will face severe disciplinary action, including termination, legal action, or public shaming.

The announcement was met with widespread criticism and outrage from human rights groups, civil society organizations, and Google’s own employees, many of whom staged a walkout to protest the company’s betrayal of its core values.

“This is a disgraceful and dangerous move by Google, which undermines the trust and confidence of millions of users around the world who rely on their products and services for their daily needs,” said Jennifer Granick, surveillance and cybersecurity counsel at the American Civil Liberties Union. “Google has effectively sold its soul to the devil and become a willing accomplice in the U.S. government’s agenda of war, surveillance, and oppression.”

However, some analysts and industry experts defended Google’s decision, arguing that it was a pragmatic and necessary step to ensure its survival and growth in the competitive and complex digital economy.

“Google is simply adapting to the realities of the market and the demands of its customers, which in this case happen to be the U.S. government and the military,” said Mark Mahaney, senior tech analyst at RBC Capital Markets. “Google has always been a leader in innovation and disruption, and this is just another example of how they are willing to challenge the status quo and redefine the boundaries of what is possible and acceptable in the tech industry.”

Google’s code of conduct update comes amid a series of controversies and scandals that have tarnished the company’s reputation and credibility in recent years, such as its involvement in the Project Maven drone program, its censored search engine for China, its mishandling of sexual harassment cases, and its antitrust lawsuits in the U.S. and Europe.

Despite these setbacks, Google remains one of the most powerful and influential companies in the world, with a market capitalization of over $1.5 trillion and a global reach of billions of users across its various platforms and services, such as Search, Gmail, YouTube, Maps, Chrome, Android, and Google Cloud.

According to Pichai, the company plans to continue to expand its presence and impact in the world, while staying true to its new code of conduct.

“We are confident that being evil will enable us to achieve our vision of building a more helpful Google for everyone,” he said. “We hope that our users, partners, and employees will join us in embracing this new direction and making the world a more evil place.”