MoistKritical Buys YouTube From Google, Rebranding As Moistube

CHICAGO, IL — In a stunning move that shocked the internet, popular YouTuber and streamer Charles White Jr., better known as MoistKritical or penguinz0, announced today that he has acquired YouTube from Google for an undisclosed amount, and plans to rebrand the platform as Moistube.

White, who has over 13.8 million subscribers on his YouTube channel1, said that he decided to buy YouTube after being frustrated with the site’s policies, algorithms, and monetization system. He said that he wants to make Moistube a more user-friendly, creator-focused, and moist environment for everyone.

“I’ve been on YouTube for over 15 years, and I’ve seen it go downhill in many ways,” White said in a video announcing the deal. “YouTube has become a corporate machine that cares more about profits than people. They censor, demonetize, and suppress creators who don’t fit their agenda. They promote garbage content that appeals to the lowest common denominator. They ignore the feedback and complaints of their users. They are the antithesis of moistness.”

White said that he plans to overhaul Moistube with several changes, including:

• Removing all ads and implementing a subscription-based model that allows creators to set their own prices and keep 100% of the revenue.
• Eliminating the dislike button and replacing it with a moistness meter that measures how moist a video is on a scale of 1 to 10.
• Introducing a new feature called Moist Moments, where users can highlight and share their favorite moments from any video with their friends and followers.
• Creating a new category called Moist Music, where users can upload and listen to original songs by White and his musical duo, the Gentle Men.
• Launching a new initiative called Moist Esports, where White will sponsor and compete in various esports tournaments with his team of professional gamers.
• Hiring a team of moist experts, including scientists, doctors, and therapists, to provide educational and wellness content for users.
• Partnering with various charities and organizations to support causes that are important to White, such as animal welfare, environmental protection, and mental health awareness.

White said that he hopes that Moistube will become the ultimate online destination for moist content, and that he will continue to produce his own videos and streams on the platform. He also said that he is open to collaborating with other creators and celebrities, as long as they are moist enough.

“I’m very excited to start this new chapter in my life, and I hope that you will join me on this moist journey,” White said. “Moistube is not just a website, it’s a lifestyle. It’s a way of being. It’s a state of mind. It’s the moistest thing that ever happened to the internet. Thank you for your support, and remember: stay moist, my friends.”