New NIST Password Policy Guidelines Mandates the Use of Tongue-Twisters

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprising move that has left security experts scratching their heads, the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) released updated password policy guidelines today, stipulating that all users must incorporate tongue-twisters into their login credentials. According to the NIST, the incorporation of tongue-twisters will make passwords harder to crack and strengthen overall cybersecurity.

“If a password is hard to say, it is necessarily hard to crack,” declared Dr. Emily Johnson, lead researcher at NIST. “We found that traditional methods of creating complex passwords were no longer effective, so we turned to the realm of diction and tongue gymnastics. By introducing tongue-twisters, we are revolutionizing the way we protect sensitive information.”

The new guidelines, affectionately nicknamed “Tongue-Twister Torture,” suggest that users select passwords consisting of nonsensical phrases with repetitive sounds and complex enunciations. This approach aims to increase the level of frustration hackers face when trying to harvest credentials over the phone via social engineering.

NIST has provided a list of example suggested passwords that meet the new criteria. However, they emphasize that these examples should not be used directly:

1. ToyBoatToyBoatToyBoatToyBoat
2. SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore22
3. PeterPiperPickedAPeckOfPickledPeppers$
4. HowMuchWoodWouldAWoodchuckChuck?

“THESE ARE EXAMPLES ONLY, DO NOT USE THESE.” warns Dr. Johnson. “We encourage users to come up with their own tongue-twisting masterpieces, as long as they meet the complexity requirements.”

The announcement has sparked a wave of confusion and amusement across the cybersecurity community. Experts have raised concerns about the practicality of tongue-twisters as passwords and their potential impact on user experience.

Jeremy Sanders, a security analyst, expressed his skepticism, stating, “While it’s true that tongue-twisters can be difficult to pronounce, they can also be equally difficult to remember. Users might find themselves locked out of their own accounts due to the complexity of their passwords.”

Nevertheless, NIST remains resolute in its belief that tongue-twisters are the future of password security. They have even started developing an app, “Twist-I.T.,” which guides users through the process of creating and memorizing tongue-twister passwords.

“We understand that this new approach may take some getting used to,” admitted Dr. Johnson. “But imagine the frustration of cracking open a secure vault full of only tongue-twisted passwords. It will be a bittersweet victory for hackers.”

As the cybersecurity landscape continues to evolve, only time will tell if tongue-twisters become the holy grail of password protection or simply a hilariously complicated fad. Until then, users are advised to start practicing their enunciation skills and embrace the twisted path to digital security.