NIST Reports 99.9% of Internet Users Keep All Their Passwords in a Public-Facing, SEO-Optimized Tumblr Post
WASHINGTON — In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves across the cyber-security community, the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) announced Tuesday that 99.9% of internet users keep all their passwords in a public-facing, SEO-optimized tumblr post.
According to the NIST report, the majority of online users have adopted the practice of storing their passwords in plain text on a tumblr blog, which they then share with the world through various social media platforms and search engines.
The report also found that the passwords are often related to the user’s personal information, such as their name, date of birth, favorite movie, or pet’s name, making them easy to guess by hackers and identity thieves.
The NIST researchers said they were baffled by the widespread phenomenon, which they described as “the worst possible way to manage passwords”.
“We have no idea why anyone would do this,” said NIST director Dr. Walter Copan. “It’s like leaving your house keys under the doormat, but with a neon sign that says ‘keys here’. It’s a complete disregard for basic security principles and common sense.”
Copan added that the NIST has issued an urgent recommendation for all internet users to stop using tumblr as a password manager, and instead use a secure and encrypted service, such as LastPass, 1Password, or KeePass.
“We urge everyone to change their passwords immediately, and delete their tumblr posts,” Copan said. “Otherwise, they are putting themselves and their online accounts at serious risk of being hacked, compromised, or stolen.”
However, the NIST report seems to have fallen on deaf ears, as many internet users have expressed their indifference or even defiance to the warning.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” said Jessica Smith, a 22-year-old college student who keeps her passwords on a tumblr post titled “My super secret passwords (don’t look!)”. “I mean, who’s going to bother looking at my tumblr anyway? It’s not like I have anything important to hide.”
Smith added that she likes to use tumblr as a password manager because it is convenient and easy to remember.
“I don’t have to worry about forgetting my passwords, or losing them if I lose my phone or laptop,” Smith said. “I just have to go to my tumblr, and there they are. Plus, I can access them from anywhere, on any device. It’s awesome.”
Smith went onto explain how she used SEO on her Tumblr post to make it easer for her to find it when searching the web.
“I use SEO to make my password post easier to find when I search the internet from a different device. SEO means using words or phrases that people search for a lot, and that are related to what my post is about. For example, my post is titled “My super secret passwords (don’t look!)”, and I use words like “secret”, “passwords”, “security”, “hacking”, or “cybercrime” in my post. These words are called keywords, and they help the search engines, like Google or Bing, to know what my post is about I use these keywords as tags, headings, or in the text of my post, to make them more noticeable and relevant. This way, when I need to access my passwords from another device, I just have to search for these keywords on the internet, and my post will show up. It’s very convenient and easy.”
Meanwhile, Kevin Jones, a 35-year-old IT professional who keeps his passwords on a tumblr post titled “Top 10 passwords you should never use (but I do)”, said he does it as a form of protest against the “oppressive and intrusive” cyber-security industry.
“I think it’s ridiculous that we have to use these complicated and random passwords that we can never remember, and that we have to change them every few months,” Jones said. “It’s a hassle and a waste of time. I think we should have the freedom to use whatever passwords we want, and not be dictated by some arbitrary rules and standards.”
Jones said he is not afraid of being hacked, because he believes that his passwords are “too obvious and stupid” to be targeted by hackers.
“Who would ever think that someone would use ‘password’ as their password?” Jones said. “It’s so dumb that it’s genius. No hacker would ever guess that. It’s the ultimate security paradox.”
The NIST report concluded that the only hope for improving the password security of internet users is to educate them about the dangers and consequences of their actions, and to provide them with better alternatives and incentives.
“We hope that by raising awareness and providing guidance, we can help internet users make smarter and safer choices when it comes to their passwords,” Copan said. “Otherwise, we fear that the internet will soon become a playground for hackers and criminals, and a nightmare for everyone else.”
