Star Wars Resets Canon: Only Sheev’s Fortnite Speech Survives the Purge

In a shocking turn of events that has left fans both bewildered and bemused, the Star Wars universe is undergoing yet another canon reset. This time, however, the culling is so extensive that only one obscure piece remains: Emperor Palpatine’s transmission as heard in Fortnite.

The announcement came from a press conference held at the edge of the galaxy, where the head of Lucasfilm stood before a backdrop of stars and declared, “We’re starting fresh. Completely fresh. Except for Sheev’s speech — that stays.”

The transmission, which was originally part of a Fortnite event, featured the Emperor’s voice echoing across the virtual skies, heralding his return. It was a moment that many gamers experienced, but few expected to become the cornerstone of the new Star Wars lore.

Fans have taken to social media to express their confusion. “So, let me get this straight,” tweeted @JediMaster77, “The entire Star Wars saga is non-canon now, except for something that happened in Fortnite? Is this real life?”

Meanwhile, scholars of the Star Wars Expanded Universe have been seen wandering the streets, muttering to themselves about the implications of this decision. “It’s as if millions of plotlines suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced,” one was overheard saying.

As for the upcoming movie series, details are scarce, but insiders suggest that the plot will revolve around the search for the fabled ‘Fortnite Holocron,’ a relic that contains the only remaining piece of the old canon.

In preparation for the new series, Lucasfilm has reportedly sent their writers on a team-building retreat to an undisclosed island, where they will play Fortnite for 72 hours straight to fully immerse themselves in the one true canon.

When asked why this particular piece was chosen to survive the reset, a spokesperson for Lucasfilm responded, “We believe that Fortnite represents the pinnacle of storytelling. Plus, Sheev’s speech had some really sick beats.”

As the galaxy braces for this new era of Star Wars, one thing is certain: the Force works in mysterious ways, especially when it involves battle royales and dance emotes.