Surgeon General Warns: Using Apple Vision Pro to View Solar Eclipse may Cause ‘Super-Blindness’

In a health advisory that’s as unprecedented as it is alarming,
the U.S. Surgeon General has issued a warning just before the anticipated April 8th, 2024 solar eclipse. The advisory concerns a condition now being referred to as “super-blindness,” which has been affecting users of the Apple Vision Pro who have found an unconventional use for their devices during solar eclipses.

“Visionary innovation has led to an unexpected pitfall,” stated the Surgeon General. “These individuals, seeking an immersive eclipse experience, have inadvertently stumbled into a visual void.”

The Apple Vision Pro, celebrated for its ultra-high-definition display, has become the accidental catalyst for this ocular crisis. Users, in their enthusiasm, have been utilizing the device to witness the solar event, only to be left with a profound loss of vision.

“It’s like the lights went out,” shared one affected user, who wished to remain anonymous. “I just wanted a front-row seat to the eclipse, and now I can’t even find my seat.”

Doctors are puzzled by the surge in “super-blindness,” a condition marked by a severe lack of sight and a touch of cosmic irony. “We’re seeing a wave of patients who are, paradoxically, unable to witness the wave,” said Dr. Seymour Clearly, a renowned eye specialist.

While Apple has not officially recommended this particular use of their product, they are hastily working on a solution that involves less ingenuity and more caution. Meanwhile, the Surgeon General advises eclipse watchers to revert to time-honored viewing practices, such as the simple pinhole projector, to avoid the risk of becoming super-blind.

“Let’s remember, when it comes to solar eclipses, safety trumps spectacle,” the Surgeon General advised.