Trump Accepts Plea Deals on All Existing Indictments So He Can Focus on Suing McDonald’s for Raising the Price of the McDouble by 20 Cents
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a stunning turn of events, former President Donald Trump announced on Monday that he has accepted plea deals on all of the criminal and civil cases pending against him, including those related to his taxes, his business dealings, his role in the January 6th Capitol riot, and his attempts to overturn the 2020 election results. Trump said that he decided to plead guilty to all charges and accept the consequences, which include fines, restitution, community service, and possible jail time, in order to focus on his “most important legal battle” - suing McDonald’s for raising the price of the McDouble by 20 cents.
Trump told reporters that he was “outraged” and “betrayed” by the fast-food giant, which he claimed was his “favorite restaurant” and a “loyal supporter” of his presidency. He said that he had been a “regular customer” of McDonald’s for decades, and that he had enjoyed many McDoubles over the years, especially during his time in the White House. He said that he was shocked and dismayed when he learned that McDonald’s had increased the price of the McDouble from $1.39 to $1.59, calling it a “massive rip-off” and a “disgraceful act of greed”.
Trump said that he had filed a lawsuit against McDonald’s in federal court, seeking $10 billion in damages for breach of contract, fraud, emotional distress, and violation of his constitutional rights. He said that he had evidence that McDonald’s had conspired with the “radical left”, the “fake news media”, and the “deep state” to raise the price of the McDouble in order to hurt him politically and financially. He said that he had also subpoenaed several former and current McDonald’s executives, employees, and franchise owners to testify in his favor.
Trump said that he was confident that he would win his lawsuit against McDonald’s, and that he would use the money to pay off his debts, fund his political comeback, and buy more McDoubles. He said that he was not worried about the consequences of his plea deals on his other cases, saying that they were all part of a “witch hunt” and a “hoax” orchestrated by his enemies. He said that he had no regrets about anything he had done or said during his presidency or after, and that he was looking forward to clearing his name and restoring his reputation.
Trump also said that he was planning to launch his own fast-food chain, called Trump’s Burgers, which would offer “the best burgers in the world” at “the lowest prices ever”. He said that he would personally oversee the quality and taste of every burger, and that he would make sure that every customer was treated with “respect and dignity”. He said that Trump’s Burgers would be a “huge success” and a “great service” to the American people.
Trump ended his press conference by urging his supporters to boycott McDonald’s and join him in his fight against the “corrupt and evil” corporation. He said that he would not rest until he had brought McDonald’s to justice and made them pay for their “terrible mistake”. He then left the podium and headed to his limousine, where a large bag of McDoubles was waiting for him.
